Kijana Woodard

Software Minimalism

How to Wake Up Your Kids

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Ever think that your young kids are sleeping too much at night or during naps? Feel that you aren't spending enough "bonding time" with them because they just sleep sleep sleep?

Here are a few tips to wake up your kids based on personal observation.

Lay your head down and close your eyes.

Apparently, there is an alarm clock, that only kids can hear, which is triggered when your head touches a pillow.

Sit down on a toilet seat.

Blares like a fire bell to a two year old.

Wrap your head around that work project you've got to get done.

For pure magic, it helps if your boss is expecting the project to be done in the morning. If a promotion is on the line, all the better.

Make eye contact with your spouse and say something pleasant.

There is nothing like a moment of marital bliss to shake kids out of a sleepy stupor.

Sit at a table and move a forkful of food toward your mouth.

Note: shoveling leftovers into your mouth directly from the fridge does not work! You really need to cook something, set the table, and sit down. There is extra potency if your spouse sits with you [see above]. The moment you exhale and think "ahhhhh, this is nice", your kid will bolt upright in bed.

Have some friends over for dinner and open a bottle of wine.

The whine will flow freely.

Ok, any of those methods should get your kids to wake up, but every now and then, you actually want them to sleep a little longer. No problem.

Schedule an early morning appointment for them.

Financial penalties or extreme embarrassment increase the effectiveness of this approach.

Plan an outing right after nap time.

As a bonus, you'll get extra time to bond precisely at the time naps normally start.

Go on a trip

Air travel helps here since you have to be there by a certain time. Cruises are good too since there's not another one you can get on in a couple hours.

Pro tip - Most of these sleep tricks will also work if your kid has been constipated and you need them to move their bowels.

I doubt these techniques will work once kids get to teenage years. I'll write a follow up post in 12 years to let you know.

If you see a mistake in the post *or* you want to make a comment, please submit an edit.

You can also contact me and I'll post the comment.

Joey Guerra
Joey Guerra • 10 years ago

I have personally observed and confirmed every one of these techniques as valid proven facts.

Brian • 10 years ago

It's funny 'cause it's true. :-)

Liam Lynch
Liam Lynch • 10 years ago

See, their behavior really is logical and predictable!

trailmax • 10 years ago

Brilliant! and not violations of SRP in constructors!

Daniel Whittaker
Daniel Whittaker • 8 years ago

Fantastic! Kids are like TDD for your character. Except, it's much harder to make any of the tests go green. Sleep well.